The Dance of Boundaries: Embracing the Balance

by Izabela Misiuk

Boundaries are a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships and personal well-being, yet many of us struggle to define and maintain them. Rumi’s profound imagery in his poem “Bird Wings” beautifully captures the essence of balance that boundaries represent:

If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.

Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced 
and coordinated 
as birds’ wings.

Your hand opens and closes,

and opens and closes.

I love this poem! In this poem, Rumi illustrates the natural rhythm of life, akin to the ebb and flow of our interactions and boundaries. Just as a bird’s wings gracefully balance between opening and closing, our relationships thrive on the balance between connection and autonomy.

The Rhythm of Boundaries

Rumi’s metaphor of contracting and expanding mirrors the natural world—the ocean’s waves, blooming flowers, the sun’s cycles. This dynamic rhythm is essential for healthy interactions. In codependency, however, this natural rhythm is often disrupted. Individuals may find themselves overly entangled, lacking the space and balance needed for mutual respect and growth.

The image of bird wings harmonizing signifies how relationships should ideally function. Each person must navigate the balance between closeness and independence to avoid the pitfalls of codependency. Being present in every moment of give-and-take ensures that relationships remain healthy and respectful.

Understanding Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits we set to protect and honor our authentic selves. They can be physical, mental, emotional, or energetic, and they define what we will and will not accept in various aspects of our lives—personal, professional, romantic, and familial.

Examples of boundaries include:

• Defining personal space
• Respecting one’s thoughts and feelings
• Addressing disrespectful or abusive behavior

Setting boundaries involves clear communication, whether verbal, physical, or energetic.

To assess whether a boundary is being crossed or if it needs reinforcement, ask yourself:

• Is my emotional or physical well-being impacted?
• Do I feel diminished or like I’m settling for less?
• Am I being taken advantage of in any way?

Recognizing the need to set a boundary often mirrors underlying feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. By addressing these feelings and setting clear boundaries, we signal to those around us and to ourselves that our needs, thoughts, and beliefs matter and that we matter. Setting boundaries is a key step in this life journey. By taking responsibility for our boundaries, we align ourselves with our most authentic state, opening the door to new possibilities and growth.